He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
