another moral hangover. fuck.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Randomize
