Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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