i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
