You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
