she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
