I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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