I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You're like the curious george of whores
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
