I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
