I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
he's single and there are thong briefs.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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