we're blogging at a bar
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
