I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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