hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
