he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
