the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i think i just lost a toe
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
