My friends, they love my intelligence
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
