I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
