lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
