me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
