Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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