It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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