2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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