Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
