oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He? As in you personified your dick?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
