Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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