I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize