Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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