she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
