you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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