I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
