I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
