no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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