On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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