WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
