Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
