Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
