i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
