omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
