Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
