The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
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I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
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Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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