OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
