Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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