the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
