My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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