Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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