Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
