is this the sara with the beer cane?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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