It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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