I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
