I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
