All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
