Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
