Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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