Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
