tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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