I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
