It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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