I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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