I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
