Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
