I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
