Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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