sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize