"it" just moved
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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