your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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