She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
