How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Actions speak louder than pants.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
