oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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