you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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