I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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