I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
