laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
