Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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