were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
